As my son gets older, I realize something happening to the people around me. They are becoming more and more insecure about the choices I make for my son. Some of them come from a place of concern, worrying that he will be spoiled or a little tyrant. Some of them probably feel sorry for me because I’m just so clueless. Some have even dared to say that I am a young mother and will soon see the errors of my ways… that I will do things differently with future children after my son becomes a disappointment. Laughter, disdain, jealousy and probably even disgust are the responses I’m likely to face.

I realize something happening to me as well. First, I found myself doubting my decisions. Then I found myself doing more research. I signed up for a Child Guidance class. I looked for case studies from both sides of the spectrum, and anywhere in between. I find more and more that positive discipline is the only way my son has a chance of being who I want him to be. I do not want him to be like me… I want him to be better. I think about the choices parents make and how they affect their children (and themselves) daily. People create “bad” children by treating them badly. And by bad, I mean children who are emotionally damaged.

My son changes, too. It becomes more challenging to keep up with him or keep him entertained. He has a ton of energy. I constantly hear from people that this isn’t the norm, but I wonder how many children are too afraid to do what comes to them naturally because they are living in environments that are too controlling. Maybe their spirit was slapped out of them. Maybe their spirit is still there but they’ve learned that if they express interest in something they may get slapped because mommy or daddy doesn’t want them to play with it. Playing with it might hurt physically. A preventative slap hurts physically and emotionally, but that is OK. It will prevent the child from doing said thing again before he is developmentally capable of understanding why it is a no-no. And that makes it easier on the parent.

Children aren’t supposed to be easy. And what tends to happen is that parents suppress their children’s needs when they are young, and when they get older they overindulge. In control, power, sex, drugs, sleep, and food. They become “out of control,” when really they shouldn’t have been under control to begin with. Positive discipline sets the stage for an easier time later on. The children feel respected. These children are empowered to make good decisions. They are empowered to seek assistance from parents when things go wrong, instead of hiding their mistakes and possibly making things worse. People of all ages make poor decisions from time to time.

Anyways, back to my son. He becomes more of  joy. More of a challenge. More curious. More rambunctious. More helpful. More unhelpful. More humorous. More intelligent. Daily. But he is learning, so this is to be expected. I teach him about what he can do gently and kindly, instead of filling his life with more frustration. I give him opportunities to exert his power and accomplish things on his own. Yes, it would be easier to just pick something and give him to eat. Just as it would be easier and quicker to feed him his breakfast. But there is something about the way he smiles when he tells me what he wants for breakfast and gets just that… something about the look in his eye when he successfully pokes a piece of egg with the fork and gets it to his mouth without dropping it. It reminds me that I’m doing the right thing.

At times I feel like I’m alienating myself from the people around me. It isn’t my intention, but overall I have to do what is best for my son. I don’t want people to plant seeds of fear or low self-esteem. I’m confident that raising him in a respectful, non-violence, non-shouting, non-punishing household is what is best for him. I have no desire to force my hopes and dreams on him. I am, however, inclined to teach him everything he needs to know to be a successful person. I strive to be a good role model for him, lead by example, and let him decide what success means to him.